


Together We Burn

by Daughter_Leilani



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: Dreams, Dreamsharing, F/M, Family, Marriage Proposal, Rejection, Tattoos, Traditions, Visions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-27
Updated: 2018-06-27
Packaged: 2019-05-29 10:48:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 8,774
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15071585
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Daughter_Leilani/pseuds/Daughter_Leilani
Summary: A marriage proposal, a rejection, a shared vision, and a tattoo.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Not beta read. Sorry for mistakes!

No. A single word, yet so much meaning. Or so much indescript non sense. A word to hold his entire destiny. A word to end his life. A word to mend a heart, or shatter it. Just a word.

_Kathryn, will you marry me?_

_No._

Chakotay ran his forearm across his brow to clear the sweat running into his eyes. His arms ached from the hard labor he had been doing all morning. The skin of his back was burning under the hot sun overhead. Sitting back on his heels, he rested for a moment and surveyed his work.

The sweat lodge was nearly repaired. He had been hammering slats onto the roofline for hours. The outside of the lodge hung heavy with animal pelts keeping the bright sunlight from entering the structure. With the last slats in place, all that was left was reattaching the skins for the roof. Once completed, he could enter the lodge and begin his ritual.

Chakotay stretched his legs out in front of him for a moment and leaned back to feel the warmth of the sun on his chest. Closing his eyes, he let his mind drift again. Hard work was always something he enjoyed. Seeing the progress created by his own two hands added a sense of fulfillment to his life. To see the finished product of his own endurance, brought him pleasure, what little of it he could find now.

He sighed as he thought back on his current surroundings. Dorvan was still no prize vista to live in, but it was good enough. After returning from Voyager’s odyssey he was lucky to have the freedom to choose where he wanted to live. Starfleet had thanked him for his time and efforts on board ship, slapped him on the back, and sent him out the door as a civilian. Kathryn had managed to negotiate severance pay for him. He got most of what he should have for seven years as a Commander. It was enough to book passage to Dorvan and purchase materials to build a home. The people of Dorvan still believed in the old motto of his tribe; men don’t own land. That left him a nice nest egg to travel and provide for a family one day.

He sighed. There’s another meaningful single word. Family. He would be a family man before long. Of course it wouldn’t be the family he had pictured. No red haired little girls running around his home. No big blue eyes asking him to lift the child onto his shoulders. No. Just…. No.

He shuffled back to his feet and gathered his tools. Carefully, he lifted the large pelts over the roof of the lodge to seal the top. He settled the coverings into their positions and strapped them down. The lodge was finally finished. Not a moment too soon either. He lifted a hand to shield his eyes as he judged the time left until sun down. He had maybe another two hours. Just enough time. He deposited his bag of tools outside the door of the lodge and went inside.

Chakotay surveyed the small sweat lodge. It looked little different from the last time he had been in one. A burn pit in the center with a bucket of river water for creating steam. Back then, he was just a teeenager struggling with his heritage during a ritual forced upon him by his father. Now, he was here willingly, hoping the exercise would purge the sadness and anger in his heart.

He crawled to the center of the lodge, barely a meter and a half tall, and lit the single burner of incense in the crater of the floor. He placed the rocks on top of the burner and splashed water from the bucket on top of the heating rocks. As he waited for the steam to begin filling the lodge, he stripped off his clothing and piled it neatly beside the doorway. The temperature in the wooden hut began to rise and sweat beaded on his skin. He sat cross legged next to the crater and added more water onto the now glowing rocks. Large clouds of fragrant mist rose from the burner and filled the lodge with oppressive heat. He rested his hands on his knees and closed his eyes.

Voices and faces filled his mind as he tried to focus inward. Attaining a vision quest this way was difficult, but not impossible. It was how his ancestors used to accomplish it. He focused on slowing down his thumping heartbeat and breathing deeply of the humid air. One voice refused to leave him. A single voice, burning like whiskey through his belly. It was their last conversation repeating over and over in his mind. His question and her answer. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.

_His eyes flew open and he was no longer in the lodge, but in a wooded forest kneeling on a platform above a bonfire. There were dozens of hooded figures all around him. He was unable to move and his heart began to race as he took in his surroundings. Flames licked at his platform and the heat from the fire below had him trembling in fear. He was kneeling with his hands bound behind him. Unable to stand, he had no choice but to beg the hooded figures to help him._

_“Please! I don’t want this!” he cried._

_“Your questions. Your answers,” they responded in monotone._

_“I don’t understand! Please! Help me!”_

_The flames rose around him. He could smell the wood on the underside of his platform starting to catch. The heat from below felt like it was melting his skin._

_“I just want to be safe again! I don’t want to hurt anymore!” he yelled again, watching the flames glow a little brighter._

_The hooded figure directly in front of him stepped forward, her voice echoing above the roar of the fire._

_“Always your needs!” she cried, ripping the hood from her head._

_He stared in shock at Kathryn Janeway. No living person had ever appeared in his visions. Especially not her._

_“You hurt me! I just want to forget you!” he yelled._

_Another Kathryn pulled her hood back and stood next to the first._

_“You hurt yourself!” she yelled back. “All we ever wanted was you!”_

_“No! I asked you! I begged you! You said no!”_

_The edges of his platform were now black and embers of the fire below began floating through the air around him. Powerless to move, he watched two more Kathryns emerge from their hoods._

_“You hurt us! You asked and begged after you crushed us!” they replied together._

_“I love you!” he cried._

_The flames grew and he watched in horror as the edges of his platform caught fire. The embers flying through the air now landed on his bare skin and burned marks into his arms and shoulders. Each of the hooded figures pulled back their hoods and revealed dozens of Kathryn Janeways, surrounding him._

_“Kathryn! Please, help me! I don’t understand!”_

_The first Kathryn stepped forward through the flames and knelt in front of him. She was unaffected by the fire as she passed through it. His eyes filled with tears as he silently begged for her help. His mouth formed her name over and over, with no sound emerging. She leaned close and touched his cheek with her palm._

_“It’s too late. You decided this fate. You made this hell. These choices are yours and yours alone. You can’t hurt me again,” she replied, softly._

_“Save me, Kathryn. Please! I need you. I love you. Only you!”_

_Fire burned his hands and legs as the platform fully engulfed in flames. He bit his lip until he drew blood to keep from crying out at the searing pain of the flames eating his skin. He kept his eyes locked on hers until finally, she leaned her head back and the fire raced up her cloak and hood, engulfing her as well._

_“Together we burn…” she whispered._


	2. Chapter 2

“Mum, can I have another cookie?”

 

Ito, a young boy of only five years, sat quietly begging his mother for just one more treat before bed. Lina, his eight year old sister sat nearby, waiting for her own cookie, should Ito get lucky enough for their mother to agree. The partners in crime rarely separated, especially when sugar was involved. Sekaya shook her head no.

 

“Ito, you need to be going to bed. We have a big day tomorrow,” she replied.

 

“Mum,” Lina asked. “What’s tomorrow?”

 

Sekaya gathered her children and shuffled toward their bedroom down the hallway. Guiding them into the room they shared, she switched on the nightlight and pulled the covers down on their side-by-side beds. She watched lovingly as her children climbed under the blankets and settled in.

 

“Tomorrow, Chakotay comes home,” Sekaya replied.

 

“And he’s getting married?” Ito asked, excitedly.

 

“Yes, Ito,” Sekaya replied. “Tomorrow our family gains an Aunt.”

 

“I’m so excited!” Lina cried. “The first wedding in our family.”

 

“Yes, Enara will make a wonderful aunt,” Sekaya sighed. “Now, you two need to go to sleep.”

 

She bent and gingerly kissed each dark head before tucking their blankets tightly around their shoulders. She stood and walked toward the hallway. Turning back to them, she blew them each a kiss. She smiled at their giggles as she closed their bedroom door.

 

Chakotay had spent months with Sekaya, her husband Kono, and their children. But, he was always thinking of somewhere, or someone else. Chakotay had happily announced he was going back to Earth for a short time. He was gone only two weeks. He couldn’t have even made it to the soil of the planet before immediately returning to the Dorvan system. He refused to discuss what happened, but she knew someone had crushed his spirit. The man she got back was a disheartened shell of her brother. Whatever happened to him was devastating. 

 

Lina and Ito had been excited for nearly a week, ever since Chakotay announced he would marry a member of the tribe to become a council leader. As soon as he arrived back, he told her he would marry a tribe member and join the council to settle permanently on Dorvan. When she asked whom he would marry, he had shocked her with his answer; whomever his family chose for him. Arranged marriages were rarely practiced anymore. Of course, most men of the tribe married earlier than Chakotay had as well. But to ask his sister to choose his bride had been a shock to say the least. He had gently kissed her cheek and left her home to meet with the tribal elders. He left immediately for the sweat lodge in the valley and the purification ritual before marriage. That was five days ago.

 

Sekaya sat heavily down in the chair of her living area and stared out into the rainy night. Kono had been no help. He said to choose a woman for Chakotay was a dishonor and he would have no part in it, leaving the choice solely to Sekaya. Enara was a nice enough woman, and she had agreed to the arranged marriage. Older than Sekaya, Enara had been waiting for ‘the right man’ for years. Apparently, Chakotay and Enara had that in common. They both waited for love that didn’t come. No one else would agree to the arranged marriage, so Sekaya had little choice. She knew her brother had loved someone once. She could see it in his eyes when he spoke of Voyager. She had strong suspicions of who it was, but he would never admit it. He always spoke carefully of his former captain. Sekaya may have been away from her brother for many years, but he was still not good at keeping secrets from her. Whatever had happened to Chakotay on Earth, she knew Janeway was involved.

 

A sharp knock at the door drew her attention from the fierce rain pelting her home. Kono was in bed, as were the children. Chakotay wasn’t due back from the valley until tomorrow evening. She had no idea who her visitor could be. Pulling aside the heavy latch, her door opened to reveal a woman in a blue dress, dripping from the rain. Her red hair plastered to her face may have hidden her identity from some of the tribe, but Sekaya easily recognized Kathryn Janeway.

 

“What do you want?” Sekaya asked her.

 

“Are you Sekaya?” she replied, her teeth chattering slightly in the cold wind.

 

“Why are you here, Janeway?”

 

“For Ch.. Chakotay,” Kathryn responded.

 

Sekaya tried to keep a stern face, but she couldn’t ignore the blue tinge of Janeway’s lips in the freezing downpour. She watched the older woman shiver for a few more heartbeats before rolling her eyes and dragging her inside the house. She retrieved towels from the hall closet and wrapped them around Janeway’s trembling body.

 

“Thank you,” Kathryn whispered.

 

Sekaya tersely nodded. She marched to the laundry closet beside the kitchen and pulled out a clean dress of her own. Tossing it to Janeway, she turned her back to give the woman a few moments to get into the dry garment. When she was done, Sekaya took the wet blue dress and tossed it over the clothesline strung above the doorway. She barely hid the disgusted twinge as she watched Janeway pin the Starfleet comm badge to Sekaya’s dress.

 

“Now, why are you here?” Sekaya demanded, crossing her arms over her chest.

 

“Can we sit?” Kathryn replied, gesturing toward the table and chairs.

 

Sekaya pulled out a chair for Janeway and remained standing, arms crossed, waiting for an answer.

 

“I think he needs my help,” Kathryn said, sitting heavily in the chair.

 

“I think you’ve done enough.”

 

“Did he tell you?”

 

Sekaya flopped into the chair at the table next to Janeway and didn’t respond. She scratched at a crayon mark on it’s dimpled surface, no doubt from Ito. He usually missed the paper. The older woman sighed.

 

“I saw him in a dream. I think it was a vision,” Janeway finally said. “He was begging me for help.”

 

“It’s too late,” Sekaya replied. “This is his fate. You can’t hurt him again.”

 

Janeway’s eyes were huge as she heard Sekaya’s words. She trembled again, but this had nothing to do with the cold or the rain. 

 

“I said those exact words to him in the vision, Sekaya.”

 

“Tell me what happened on Earth, Janeway. Answer my questions and I will try to answer yours.”

 

Kathryn sighed as tears welled in her eyes. She stared at the ceiling as she tried to keep them at bay, but one slid silently down her cheek. She ignored it as she gathered the courage to tell Sekaya what happened between them.

 

“Chakotay asked me to marry him,” she whispered after several seconds of silence. “And I said no.”

 

“How does the dream fit in?”

 

Sekaya sat stunned as Janeway continued to describe the scene in her dream with vivid detail. The multiple versions of herself, angry with Chakotay as he sat tied to a beam with fire licking at him. She had said she couldn’t control the dream in the beginning, but toward the end, when she had joined Chakotay on the burning platform, she had decided to be with him and the fire consumed them both.

 

“Sekaya, what’s happening? I don’t understand what I saw. But I know it was more than a dream. It was a cry for help. And I won’t let him go again,” Kathryn said emphatically.

 

“I want to believe you, Kathryn. I do. But I know my brother. He was devastated by your rejection. Why did you tell him no?”

 

Janeway sighed and scratched at the table top.

 

“I’d practically have to tell you our story from the beginning to explain that,” she whispered.

 

Sekaya rose to the coffee maker on the counter. She turned the machine on to cycle and sat a mug in front of her own seat and Janeway’s.

 

“We’ve got all night,” she replied.

  
  
  



	3. Chapter 3

Dawn peeked over the hills of Sekaya’s colony on Dorvan. She sipped her coffee and contemplated the night before. Kathryn Janeway appearing as a drowned rat on her doorstep had been something she couldn’t have imagined in her wildest dreams. She had tried to be angry with the older woman for her hurting her brother. But as they sat together at the table through the early morning hours, she had come to an understanding. These two people had constantly hurt each other. Kathryn hadn’t denied her own faults in the dissolution of their friendship. She mentioned pushing him, threatening him, using him, and trying to manipulate his feelings for her. She held nothing back as she poured her heart out to make Sekaya understand why they were as they were. No, she certainly hadn’t allowed all the blame to fall on Chakotay. But Sekaya knew that her brother was equally responsible for the destruction of this unique relationship.

 

A woman nearly half his age? What was the man thinking? Kathryn had told of her hurts over a woman named Riley, a mystery named Kellin, and finally Seven of Nine. Just a few weeks prior to the end of their journey, Chakotay had taken the young blonde by his side. A stinging blow to his captain to take her protoge as his lover. Had he known the journey would end so soon, he may have made different choices. Who knew? But as it was, Kathryn Janeway had returned to her home planet alone and devastated that Chakotay wasn’t at her side.

 

Janeway had assumed when he disappeared to Dorvan, he had taken Seven to meet his family. Sekaya corrected that assumption. She had never met Seven of Nine and Chakotay did not mention her. Whatever had happened between them had obviously ended before he made the trip. Today was supposed to be his wedding day. And Sekaya was to choose his bride. But, she had already learned of several loves he had never mentioned. How could she decide a lifetime for him? Her wandering eyes landed on Janeway’s sleeping form on Sekaya’s couch.

 

The woman had finally cried herself into exhaustion last night. The emotional roller coaster of reliving seven years of a tough relationship had broken what was left of Janeway’s fight. She was nearly dead on her feet when Sekaya led her to the couch in the living area. Her opinion of Kathryn Janeway had changed in the night. This woman obviously loved her brother. And she regretted her hasty reply to his proposal. She had been shocked by his sudden arrival and was operating under the assumption he had been blissfully happy with Seven since he left Earth. No wonder she was blindsided by his question. 

 

Sekaya heard noise in the kitchen and moved to see which of her family was up first. Kono stood at the countertop, pouring himself a cup of coffee. She set her cup on the table and wrapped her arms tightly around her husband from behind, pressing her cheek into his back.

 

“Good morning,” he laughed. “Did you not come to bed last night?”

 

She turned him to face her so he could peer over her shoulder into the living room at their sleeping guest.

 

“Is that…?”

 

She nodded and kissed him gently.

 

“Kathryn Janeway is passed out on our couch,” Sekaya replied.

 

“What happened?”

 

“Very long story, but needless to say I don’t hate her,” she laughed.

 

“That’s improvement,” Kono answered.

 

“Can you stay with Ito and Lina for a while? I need to go see the council elders.”

 

“Why?” he asked.

 

“Let’s just say I don’t think Enara is the right choice anymore.”

 

Kono’s eyebrow arched. A smile tugged at the corner of his mouth. Only Sekaya could go from spitting hatred against this woman to ready to embrace her as family in one night.

 

“I thought you had to choose a member of the tribe?” he asked.

 

“Well, we will have to get her in the pool of eligible tribe members then won’t we?” Sekaya replied, tugging on a jacket and shoes.

 

Kono set his cup down on the table next to Sekaya’s and stepped into her path. He reached out and fingered her zipper on the jacket lovingly before drawing it up to her chin. He tucked stray black hairs behind her ears and kissed her gently on the nose. She placed her hands on his chest and smiled a dimpled smile.

 

“I love you Sekaya. You are a wonderful woman, you know that?” he whispered.

 

She smiled wider.

 

“You only say that because I gave you Ito and Lina. Now, keep Kathryn company. I will be back soon. Today will be an interesting day, spirits willing.”

 

Sekaya stepped out of her home and into the cool morning air of her village. The rain the night before had ushered in much cooler air and the fall was obviously coming quickly. She tucked her hands in the pockets of her jacket and started walking the path into the center of the village. 

 

She had pried information out of Kathryn last night about her intentions with Chakotay. Sekaya knew that Kathryn had commandeered a ship, the USS Abbot, and it was in orbit above them, waiting for her instructions. Admirals had privilege it seemed. That had explained how she got there so fast after the vision dream she had experienced. The Abbot had jumped to high warp and headed straight for them, arriving in less than six hours. Civilian transports took two weeks usually.

 

Sekaya had explained that Chakotay was committed to the colony and if Janeway wanted to be with him, she would have to commit to being here as well. She readily agreed, explaining that a Federation Liaison would be extremely helpful to the colony for procuring supplies and assistance in terraforming the rest of the planet. Kathryn Janeway was willing to give up her home, her life in Starfleet, and deal with a life of labor and bureaucracy just for her brother. Sekaya’s heart swelled. She knew of the comfortable life waiting for Kathryn on Earth. And she knew of the resolve it must take to walk away from it. She didn’t question the woman’s love for her brother again. Convincing the tribal elders that Janeway was the best choice for marriage to Chakotay would be another story.

 

Kathryn was not a member of the tribe and a Washichu according to the elders. The word was rarely used anymore, as it referred to white conquerors that once decimated Sekaya’s tribe, but she was ready for it. Kathryn may not be of the tribe by birth, but she would be by choice. That had to be enough. She knocked loudly on the door of the chief.

 

Ahiga opened the door and welcomed her inside. She hugged the old man tightly and kissed his cheek.

 

“Sekaya, welcome to my home on this beautiful dawn. What are you doing here? Shouldn’t you be preparing Enara for the union this evening?” Ahiga asked, leading them to sit in his living area.

 

“That’s why I have come, Ahiga. I want to change my choice for Chakotay’s wife.”

 

Ahiga creased his brow, wrinkling the tribal tattoo at his temple. He folded his hands in his lap and studied Sekaya carefully.

 

“This is unusual, Sekaya. Why would you change the choice?” he finally asked.

 

“The spirits have guided another to his side,” Sekaya replied.

 

“Who is this other?”

 

Sekaya took a deep breath and sat as tall as she could in the chair.

 

“Kathryn Janeway.”

 

“Washichu!” Ahiga spat, surging to his feet. He began to pace the small room. “Out of the question!”

 

“Honored Ahiga, the spirits called her here. She shared a vision with Chakotay over the great distances. She understood his call and she came.”

 

“Janeway is here?”

 

“Yes,” Sekaya said hesitantly. “She is in my home with Kono.”

 

Ahiga stood at the window and ground his teeth. Janeway was a white woman, a Washichu, a conqueror. She represented Starfleet and all that he hated about them. Sekaya knew this, but she also could see the benefits of such a person as a committed member of the tribe.

 

“Kathryn chose to come here, Ahiga. She gave up her life and her home, for our tribe,” Sekaya whispered as she moved to stand close to the chief.

 

“She will leave Starfleet?” he asked, surprised.

 

“Yes, if we ask her,” Sekaya responded. “But she doesn’t have to. She can use her rank to benefit the tribe as liaison with the Federation. Or she is willing to walk away from all of it, to be with my brother. She is willing to do what is required of her.”

 

Ahiga turned back to lock eyes with Sekaya. His long silver hair swayed in the turn. He narrowed his dark eyes, trying to peer into her very soul to judge her sincerity.

 

“Ahiga, this is my choice as family of Chakotay. The spirits have determined that Enara is not the one, but Janeway is. I choose Janeway.”

 

Satisfied in her honesty, Ahiga bowed his head in acceptance. Sekaya’s face broke into a wide grin. Ahiga hugged her tightly before whispering in her hair.

 

“It will be hard for her, you understand. She will have to earn her place to shed the Washichu name.”

 

“I understand. We will guide her. She doesn’t fear the challenge.”

 

Ahiga nodded and moved to the cabinet near the door. He brought out old tools and ink. He laid them on a table near the doorway. Sekaya shuddered slightly as she watched the old man arrange the animal bones, sharpened to tight razor thin points, on the table.

 

“Go, Sekaya. Prepare Kathryn Janeway in the ways of woman. And when she is ready for the mark, she will receive it by my hand,” Ahiga stated, motioning to the arrangement on the table.

 

Sekaya swallowed and nodded sharply before turning on her heel and heading for the door. The tattoo would not be comfortable to receive this way. Most tribe members were marked with a modern microderm needle and ink, followed by a quick dermal regeneration to heal the redness. It was obvious Ahiga intended Kathryn to earn his respect with her submission to the old way. The mark would be slow to form and very painful with the sharpened bone. Heading back toward her own home, Sekaya hoped Kathryn was sure she knew what she was in for. Washichu or not, this would be a trying day for all involved.

  
  
  



	4. Chapter 4

Chakotay lifted his head from the dirt floor of the sweat lodge. The throbbing behind his eyes forced him to lower it back to the ground for a few moments until the room stopped swimming.  _ That was one hell of a vision _ . Laying still on the floor, he stared at the roofline as he waited for everything to settle. Seeing a living person in a vision was extremely rare. Occasionally, deceased family members appeared, like his Father or Grandfather. He recalled that his own spirit guide hadn’t appeared in this vision either, just Kathryn.

 

Kathryn… What did the vision of her mean? He knew the fire was his own doing, possibly his wedding scheduled for today that would permanently separate Kathryn from him. But so many versions of her? Perhaps all her time jumps?  _ No, that’s probably too literal _ . He sat up and held his head in his hands, trying to calm his stomach. Kathryn… All the versions of her shared the same appearance, and the same angry attitude toward him. She was disappointed in him. It seemed fairly obvious that his heart was still bound to her whether he wanted it to be or not. Although in the end, Kathryn had come to his side. She had suffered with him in the fire of his own creation. Together we burn. He was so confused. When his stomach finally settled, he snatched his pants from the pile near the door. He noticed the incense burner had long since burned out, and the rocks were cool to the touch. He must have been passed out in the lodge all night.

 

After tugging the trousers on, he tossed aside the cloth door to the lodge. Sunlight streamed in from the valley. He stepped outside and stretched his body. The vision troubled him. He had always thought that Kathryn was going to be a part of his life. It was something he had struggled against when he made the decision to settle on Dorvan. Marrying someone else would drive the final wedge between them. Yet, when it came time to undergo the purification for marriage, all his mind could conjure was her. 

 

Chakotay sat heavily outside the lodge and judged the sunlight. It was probably around 1100. He would have to get cleaned up and head back for the village soon. His wedding would be at sundown. The vision was supposed to bring him peace and assurance that he was following the guidance of the spirits. But was he? Most men undertaking this ritual have the faces of their bride-to-be to comfort them. He didn’t even know who Sekaya would choose for him to marry. All the spirits had deemed fit to show him was Kathryn Janeway. A Kathryn burning in flames with him. He paused at that thought. Could that mean she was suffering as well because of this decision?  _ Of course not _ . She turned him down flat. Why would she suffer now?

 

He pushed off the ground and trudged toward the river at the base of the valley. A cold river bath would break him of his circular thoughts. As he neared the water, he made note of the high levels.  _ It must have rained last night _ . The edges of the bank were murky with mud and the water moved swiftly down the current. Chakotay stripped off the trousers and stepped carefully into the frigid water.  _ Definitely rained last night _ , he thought as the cold seeped under his skin. The current couldn’t knock him over. The water wasn’t deep enough there for that, so he sat carefully in the river to let the flowing water run over him. It only took a moment for the cold to numb his fingers and toes. Quickly laying all the way back in the water, he let the icy current wash the sweat and incense from his hair. He jolted to his feet and shook off as much of the water as he could before stepping over the mud at the bank and onto the hillside.

 

Chakotay continued to shake the water from his skin and shiver slightly in the sun as he made his way back toward the lodge. The temperature was probably only around 15*C. Certainly not conducive to swimming in the fresh water streams. When he was mostly dry, he tugged the trousers on and his shirt from the night before. Gathering his tools and reassuring himself that the lodge was well kept, he started the hike back to the village. He would seek out Ahiga the Chief and tell him of the vision. He would be able to tell Chakotay if he was doing the right thing regarding Kathryn Janeway.


	5. Chapter 5

Sekaya cringed as the sharp point of the smooth white bone drew blood on Kathryn’s shoulder. To her credit, the older woman never cried out. She just sat with her eyes closed, head resting on the back of the tall chair as Ahiga repeatedly dug the sharp bone into the soft skin of her right shoulder blade. Gouge might be a better word. Dip in the ink, gouge the skin, wipe the blood, and check the work. Ahiga repeated the steps for each line of the arching tattoo. Kathryn only flinched a few times as she concentrated on staying perfectly still. Sekaya remained silent as well. The tattoo was uncomfortable to get with the micro derm, but to endure it the old way, and in silence, was the strength of legends.  Sekaya knew this act alone would purge the Washichu title from Janeway’s name in Ahiga’s eyes. That’s why the old man had insisted on it.

 

The mark would be easily visible to all who witnessed the ceremony in short measure. Sundown was at most two hours away. It was decided that Kathryn would wear Sekaya’s wedding linens. The halter type dress would show the newly inked lines on Janeway’s shoulder. The swelling and the redness around it would also leave no doubt as to the method of placement. Ahiga may have done Kathryn Janeway more favors than Sekaya realized. The rest of the elders would notice the crude way the tattoo was inked and should respect someone willing to take it in the old way, even a Washichu.

 

Before beginning the ink, Ahiga had insisted Kathryn tell him the details of her vision of Chakotay that called her here. He had sat quietly as she described the platform and the fire, and finally joining Chakotay as they burned together in the center. Sekaya assumed Ahiga would be able to interpret the vision, but he had chosen not to. After Kathryn finished speaking, he silently nodded and lifted the tools to tattoo her skin.

 

“It is done,” Ahiga announced, removing the tools from Kathryn Janeway’s skin the final time. The area was angry red and swelling rapidly, but the dark blue lines were crisp and smooth. The tattoo was completed in fine technique, and when the swelling receded, it would be as perfect as the one on Chakotay’s brow.

 

“Go, Kathryn Janeway,” Ahiga ordered. “Prepare yourself for the joining. Chakotay will arrive from the valley soon and the ceremony will begin at sundown. Wait in the home of Kono and Sekaya. I will retrieve you at the proper time.”

 

Kathryn turned from the chair and held her shirt close to her chest. Sekaya could see the tears welled in the older woman’s eyes that she refused to let fall. She was indeed a brave one. She stood and bowed slightly to the Chief.

 

“Thank you,” Kathryn whispered.

 

Ahiga set down the tools and wiped his hands on a cloth nearby. He returned to Janeway’s side and lifted withered fingers to cup each side of her face. Their eyes locked for several moments before he gently pulled her down toward him and placed a kiss on her forehead.

 

“Welcome to our tribe, Kathryn, Daughter of Edward.”

 

This time the tears did fall. Sekaya knew these were tears of joy, of understanding, and of acceptance. Sekaya brushed at her own damp cheeks before gathering Kathryn and helping her into the shirt. She placed a simple bandage over the tattoo so the cloth would not stick. Together, they walked slowly back toward Sekaya’s home.

 

“I’m surprised at you, Kathryn Janeway,” Sekaya whispered.

 

“Oh?”

 

“You took that tattoo with pride and honor. You didn’t even make a sound.”

 

The older woman was thoughtful for several moments. They walked nearly back to the homestead before she spoke again.

 

“I know how meaningful the tattoo is. I understand it’s significance, not only to Chakotay, but to your tribe in general. Chakotay…. He means more to me than anyone ever has. And I can’t help but feel like I’ve let him down so far. I won’t make that mistake again. I want him to be… proud… of me. Proud for me to be his wife,” Kathryn replied.

 

Sekaya nodded her head in understanding.

 

“He will be.”

 

As they made their way up the walk, Sekaya nodded to the grove behind the home. Kono and the children were setting up an arbor with flowers. Lina was carefully weaving white flowers around the wooden frame of the arbor. Ito was dutifully holding a length of white fabric as Kono hung it from the top of the arbor. Three rows of benches fell in line behind the arbor.

 

“The ceremony is here?” Kathryn asked.

 

“It’s usually held in the city center, but I thought this would be more meaningful for you,” Sekaya replied.

 

“It’s beautiful.”

 

“It’s not a terran wedding, but it will feel a little more like an Earth ceremony,” she smiled. “I also had Kono replicate wedding rings for you. But you’ll have to exchange those after Ahiga completes the ceremony. Our tribe usually doesn’t do wedding jewelry.”

 

Kathryn turned suddenly teary eyes toward her soon to be sister in law.

 

“Sekaya, may I ask you a question?”

 

“Of course.”

 

“When I came here, you hated me.”

 

Sekaya offered no reply, so Kathryn plowed on.

 

“What changed?”

 

Sekaya pulled the older woman into the house and sat her in the chair. She began to brush Kathryn’s hair and gently weave flowers into the strands before pinning them up.

 

“Kathryn, has Chakotay ever mentioned our mother?” she finally said.

 

Kathryn shook her head slightly. Chakotay had only made a few passing comments about his mother in all the years she’d known him. Sekaya took another pin and wove a bloom behind Kathryn’s ear before pulling the strand of hair tightly and securing it in the folded pattern.

 

“Mother was what we call an Old Soul. She was always wise beyond her age. She believed in second, third, and fourth chances. That’s how my father managed to stay married to her for so long,” Sekaya said.

 

She moved around to the other side of the chair and began the weaving and pinning process on the far side of Kathryn’s scalp. Her voice was quiet as she continued talking.

 

“Mother would often forgive my father for his missteps. You see my father was stubborn. All the men in my family are,” Sekaya smiled as Kathryn laughed. “My father would inevitably make a mistake, and then he went out into the family garden and picked the most perfect bloom he could find. He would come back in and present the flower to my mother to ask her forgiveness. Father diligently maintained that garden. It was filled with flowers of every kind that ensured no matter what time of the year, there would be blooms available.

 

“I asked Mother how it was that she could forgive his stubbornness so often. She replied that for a man to work so hard to be forgiven, it was a sin to allow him to suffer. Father hated yard work of any kind, but my mother loved flowers. So Father tended the massive garden because he loved Mother. The actions and words of today overwrite yesterday, and predict tomorrow.”

 

Kathryn appeared thoughtful as Sekaya leaned down to check the evenness of the woven flowers in Kathryn’s finished hair, before producing a mirror from the table drawer.

 

“Chakotay used to bring me roses from the aeroponics bay,” Kathryn whispered, eying herself in the mirror.

 

“That’s not surprising,” Sekaya replied, taking her wedding dress from the hall closet and removing the hanger. “He saw Father do it for years. When Mother was sad, or angry, even if he wasn’t at fault, Father always had a bloom for her. He learned when the woman you love is hurt, you give her a bloom of your own nurturing. He’s a good man, my brother.”

 

“Yes, he is.”

 

Kathryn shrugged out of the loose shirt and pants Sekaya had provided her and stepped into the circle of the wedding dress. The cream colored fabric settled loosely against her skin as Sekaya secured the strap around her neck. The fit was nearly perfect. Sekaya removed the bandage from Kathryn’s tattooed shoulder before gently turning her so they faced each other. Sekaya ran her hands down Janeway’s slender arms to link their hands together. She smiled gently at the older woman with watery eyes.

 

“When you came to me, yes I had anger toward you. But your heart was pure, and I knew that you were sincere in your love for him. Your actions and words of today had overwritten yesterday. I knew that you wouldn’t hurt my brother again. The spirits told me that much. After you passed out on the couch, I went on a vision quest. I saw my guide, and my brother’s. They told me the same thing; that you are destined to be his equal. You always have been.”

 

A man’s voice echoed from the doorway.

 

“Sekaya? Come help me with the elders. There is someone who wishes to speak to the bride of Chakotay,” Ahiga called.

 

The two women hugged briefly before swiping at their own tears as they separated. Kathryn kept her back to the door as Sekaya moved toward Ahiga’s voice. Sekaya bit her lip in silence as she passed her brother in the doorway.


	6. Chapter 6

Chakotay held his breath as he stepped into the living room of his sister’s home. He would recognize her silhouette anywhere. Reddish gold hair woven with flowers, slim lines of her delicate neck holding up the halter wedding dress, her shoulder tinged red with the newly tattooed design, and slender arms resting on the window sill. His eyes swept down her trim waist and followed the line of the dress as it brushed the floor. When he finally released his breath, it came out as a shaky wheeze.

 

“Kathryn?” he finally whispered.

 

He forgot to breathe again when she turned toward his voice. She looked so beautiful, he could hardly believe she was here. He watched her draw a shaky breath of her own and her fingers curled into the fabric of her dress, as if she didn’t know what to do with her hands. He took a tentative step toward her and she drew in a sharp breath and looked away from him.

 

“Whatever your game is, I don’t want to play anymore, Kathryn,” he said, hardening his voice.

 

“No games, Chakotay,” she replied, reaching for his hands and locking misty eyes with him. 

 

His thoughts fought with each other as he looked into her azure eyes. The vision he had of her in the sweat lodge was powerful. Ahiga had told him it was of great importance and he should not ignore the message. But he didn’t understand the message, and Ahiga refused to elaborate. The old chief had simply taken his hand and led him to Sekaya’s home, stating his answers were inside. Chakotay drew Kathryn forward so they could sit at the table. He scooted his chair forward so that their knees nearly touched each other. 

 

“Tell me,” Chakotay ordered, gripping her hands tightly.

 

“I saw you, in a vision.”

 

The breath rushed out of his lungs once again. He couldn’t find his voice, so he simply nodded for her to continue.

 

“You were tied to a platform and it was on fire. I was standing in a group watching you fight against the restraints,” her voice shook as she repeated the vision she had unknowingly shared with him. “Then you called to me to save you, and I stepped through the flames to be at your side.”

 

His eyes snapped closed as he relived the burning in his mind; his skin melting away and his pleas for help. Then she had come to him in the circle of fire. He recalled the way the flames had surged up behind her, enveloping her golden hair.

 

“Together we burn,” he whispered. 

 

Kathryn’s teary face filled his vision as he opened his eyes and focused on her once again. Her eyes were wide with recognition of his words.

 

“I said that…. In the vision,” she replied.

 

He had no words to explain what they had experienced, so he simply nodded in reply. She lifted one hand to his cheek and trailed soft fingertips over his brow, his nose, and his lips, before resting at the fast pulse in his neck.

 

“I dropped everything and raced here as quickly as the Abbot could take me. I couldn’t let you suffer anymore. I’m here to save you. I’m here to save us… if you want me.”

 

He reached up and gently lifted her fingers from his skin. He cast his eyes downward as his head warred with his heart. Deep down, he knew he still loved her, and he still wanted her. But his head knew that she was a path of hurt and he desperately wanted to stop hurting.

 

“I’m not sure I do,” he replied. He forced his voice to continue, even after he heard her strangled gasp.

 

“All we do is hurt each other, Kathryn. I can’t do this anymore. Life with you is so unpredictable. I don’t want that life anymore. I want stability. I want a family and a wife who is as bound to me as I am to her.”

 

Her tears splashed onto his hand holding hers in their laps. He was quiet for several moments before he felt he had enough strength to look at her without crying his own tears. Several tracks of wetness lined her face as she looked straight into his eyes.

 

“Chakotay… Do you remember when we were first in the Delta Quadrant?” she asked, sniffling slightly. He nodded wearily.

 

“You and I were different people. I was still… empowered by Starfleet’s ideals. You were still so angry. Remember we had to learn it was okay to trust each other? We had to learn to listen to each other? Somewhere along the line, I forgot how to listen to you. I forgot how to trust you. I forgot how on a lonely planet, in a little shelter in the middle of the woods, I fell in love with you. I’ve neglected our relationship and I took you for granted. I realize that now. And if this is what you want, I will go. But, I can’t do it without telling you how I feel. We are such better people when we are together. I am a better person because I know you. And I want to keep working on that. I may have gotten lost along the way, but I am still the woman that fell in love with you on New Earth. And I still love you now. I want to be your wife first and foremost. If that’s all I do for the rest of my life, I will be happy.”

 

He looked away and thought of all the hurt they had put each other through. She was right. They had grown apart in the last few years, but it wasn’t all her doing. He had taken her for granted too. He had revelled in her friendship and found his physical companionship elsewhere. Chakotay had never stopped to think about how that would feel to her. He never knew for certain that she loved him. She never said anything, and she had dalliances of her own.

 

“How can we go back, Kathryn?” he finally asked. “We aren’t the people we were on New Earth. You’ve hurt me since then.”

 

“And you’ve hurt me.”

 

He sighed and wondered how they could get past this old argument. There was no point moving forward if they couldn’t get release from their old injuries. To marry her now, and continue letting the wounds fester, would just end in further heartbreak for both of them, more than if he just walked away from her now. She seemed to know his thoughts, and her words rang out before he could open his mouth to give voice to them.

 

“Chakotay, I know I’ve hurt you. Give me a chance to explain... And to apologize. Let my words of today overwrite my words and actions of yesterday.”

 

The warmth of his mother’s prized saying was overrun with hurtful memories. The strongest memory of his anger surged forward in a single word.

 

“Kashyk,” he replied.

 

Kathryn drew a deep breath as she ordered her thoughts. He simply waited for her to offer an explanation for the deepest injury he had endured during their trek across the galaxy.

 

“I never loved him, if that’s what you mean.”

 

“But you slept with him,” he countered.

 

“Yes, I did. I won’t deny that. But it was a power play. He was attracted and I took advantage of that. I never meant to hurt you. I just needed him to trust me,” she quietly replied.

 

“So you manipulated him.”

 

She nodded. “Yes.”

 

“Did you manipulate my feelings like that?”

 

She glanced down at her hands and sucked in another shaky breath. He wanted her honesty now, even if it hurt. Anything less, and this wasn’t worth working for.

 

“Yes I did. A few times. I think we both knew that,” she finally replied, without meeting his eyes.

 

“I did. But I need to hear you admit it. You never have.”

 

“Three times,” she finally responded after several seconds of silence. She met his eyes with a determined look before she continued speaking. “The Borg alliance, Chaotic space, and Ransom.”

 

He nodded quietly. Hearing the admission had allowed him to shed some of the anger he had, but not nearly as much as he had hoped it would. Knowing she was capable of using people the way she had used him bothered him more than he cared to admit. 

 

“I don’t ever want you to do that again. Do you understand, Kathryn?  **_Never_ ** . If we move forward, we are a team. Forever,” he ordered.

 

She nodded and gripped his hands again, this time a little tighter.

 

“It’s only fair that I be honest too. And I’m pretty sure I know your question,” he said grimly.

 

“Why Seven?” she confirmed.

 

He looked down at their hands. Her thumb was gently rubbing over his larger knuckles. He prepared himself to deliver the honest answers, as he had demanded of her.

 

“At first, because she asked. She was young and beautiful, and I had been encouraging her to interact more with the crew. As things progressed… I started to see things in her I hadn’t noticed before. It didn’t take long for me to realize I was picking out qualities she had picked up from you. And it infuriated me, that all I had done was picked out the one person on board who reminded me of you.”

 

He stopped talking and stared at their hands again. He couldn’t bring himself to voice the worst part of the relationship. She forced his hand.

 

“Did you stay with her to hurt me?” she finally whispered.

 

“Partly,” he admitted. “We were using each other, and we figured that out pretty quickly after we got home. I was using her to both hurt and replace you in my life. And she was using me to have a safe launching point into relationships. I wanted to settle and she wanted to fly.”

 

“We should have had this conversation months ago.”

 

Chakotay smirked a little at that.

 

“Yes, you’re right. We should have. I didn’t love her. And I made a string of no thought decisions that hurt everyone I knew,” he replied.

 

“Was asking me to marry you one of those no thought decisions?” she laughed.

 

“Yes. But only because we didn’t have this conversation first. I’m so sorry Kathryn. It never occurred to me that you didn’t know Seven was long gone. It’s no wonder you turned me down.”

 

Chakotay sighed as her palm rested against his cheek once more. Her skin felt warm and real. Her touch warming his cold heart once again and melting away some of the anger he was finally able to start letting go.

 

“There’s something else you don’t know,” Kathryn said. “Admiral Janeway told me you were seeing Seven. In her timeline, you married her.”

 

He barked a small laugh.

 

“Marry Seven? I don’t think so. She was only using me for experience,” he replied.

 

“Didn’t that only come to light after we got back to Earth? It’s possible without that change, she would have decided that you were the best partner available to her on the ship. Especially if Admiral Janeway didn’t tell you how she felt… How I feel.”

 

Her fingers slid down to rest over his heart in the familiar gesture. He lifted her other hand and pressed his lips to her fingers.

 

“So now what?” he whispered.

 

“Well, I’ve made my intentions fairly clear,” she said, gesturing toward the wedding dress she wore before lifting her palm back to his cheek. “I want to marry you today. The question is… will you marry me?”

 

A slow smile spread across his face. The fingers of her hand slid into the dimple of his cheek as he leaned forward.

 

“I thought you’d never ask,” he laughed just before brushing his lips against hers.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


End file.
